Revenge Among the Mad
by TheDerangedMango
Summary: Ron went out with Lavender which drove Hermione to some insane extremes. Insane being the key word. Now Hermione wants revenge. And she's determined to get it.
1. Uh oh, she's lost it!

**I'm afraid... Hermione has gone completely and totally bat-shit crazy. And it's all Ron's fault. We all knew it would happen eventually. But she had such a promising future ahead of her. Oh well. Nothing can be done anymore. **

**Okay, sorry, I was babbling. Tell me if you like this? And I know, Hermione doesn't seem all that crazy at the moment. But this is only the first chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 1: Uh-oh, she's lost it!**

Hermione knew she was being irrational. That even though Ron was the biggest jerk on the face of the planet and he gave her a constant, throbbing headache, she should forgive him. He was her best friend.

But frankly, she didn't care. she had stopped listening that part of her brain the day Ron had betrayed her.

Hermione had decided that it it was time to tell him the truth. She liked Him. As more than a friend. As so she did.

They were alone in the charms classroom. The words had just spilled out of her mouth. Ron turned a bright shade of red. Then he ran out of the room.

What did the little weasel do only three days after she had confessed her undying love for him? In a poem, no less? He asked out that little rat, _Lavender_. Just to mess with her. Just to spite her. She was sure of it.

So Hermione did the only logical thing there _WAS_ to do. Listen to Crookshanks.

She hadn't known he could talk before. Before that day when she said bye-bye to the part of her brain that told her 'You need to sleep. Going 142 hours without sleep cannot end well' and 'Now now, Hermione. You KNOW spiking that first year's pumpkin juice with that potion that'll make them vomit uncontrollably for 12 days straight is a bad idea.'

The moment Ron had asked Browny-Brown-Lav-Lav out, Crookshanks had spit those first, lovely words from his lips. Those words that told her she should listen to him, and not that unreasonable voice in her head telling her all the time to be nice and behave. The one that was now telling her to forgive Ron.

But she could no longer hear that voice. She could only hear the words uttered by Crookshanks. The words telling her it was finally time for revenge. Finally time for the sweet, sweet payback that the traitor deserved.

And now that he and that evil rat of a girl had broken up, it was almost time.

If only she could remember why Q was the eighth color in the pen of trees...

**R. E. V. I. E. W. Thankyouuuuu! Like I said. More than likely, Hermione will be crazier next chapter.**

**Hermione: Hailey, I was reading the title. And by the way, it's awful shiny. You should get that checked out. Anyhoooo. It said I've lost something. Where is it? Have I found it? Do I miss it terribly?**

**Hailey(a. k. a. moi): Yeah, you have lost something. But I'm not quite sure if you miss it yet. **

**Hermione: Oh deary me! What a catastrophe! Surely I must waste away to nothingness without my lucky pea pod!**

**Hailey: ...Okay. But you see, you've lost your sanity. I'm afraid it's run away and is threatening to never return. **

**Hermione: My lucky pea pod!**

**Hailey: *eyes widen* Hermione, that's not a pea pod. You don't want to touch that! No, put it down! Ew, that's just plain gross.  
There you have it folks, she's gone bonkers.**


	2. The Laugh of the Loony

**I realize that the first chapters have been short. Most, if not all, of the chapters will be. Also, I'm not exactly sure how long this story is going to be. **

**Disclaimer: I STILL do not own Harry Potter. I know, sad, isn't it?**

**Chapter 2: The Laugh of the Loony.**

Hermione was acting strange. It started when Ron decided to go out with Lavender. After she had confessed to him her feelings. And since then, things had just spiraled downwards, out of control.

The other day, Harry had found her making a sock-puppet. By hand. Which, he'll admit, wasn't TOO terrible. But when she was done making it, she had started talking to it. She then would put it up to her ear and make it's mouth move, as if it was talking back.

Granted, it might have been. Or... it might have been talking back _if she had actually enchanted it_. She hadn't. Plus, she had _NAMED_ it. Ella.

And that was one of her more normal occurrences.

Despite Hermione's obvious lack of sanity, she still showed up for class and did everything perfectly. Though she now kept to herself and didn't answer any questions. Even if they were directed at her.

It was like she was in her own little world. Oblivious to everything and everyone around her. Except schoolwork. Apparently being mad had made Hermione an even _better_ student. Harry hadn't thought that was possible.

_But what was she up to now?_ thought Harry.

Hermione was sitting in the corner, behind a large pile of books, laughing maniacally. Uh-oh.

**Hermione: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! My magnificent plan is coming along wonderfully!**

**Hailey: Uh, Hermione? It's really not all that great of a plan. I'm pretty sure Tinkerbell could have come up with a better one. **

**Hermione: Hailey, if you don't quit typing and being mean right now, I'm going to shove you out a window. To see if you're a witch, of course. *evil glint enters eye***

**Hailey: HELP! SAVE ME FROM THIS CRA- *crash* Sorry for my overreaction a second ago. Hailey... I mean... I was just joking around. Hermione is perfectly sane. And comes up with the greatest plans ever.**

***muffled voice comes from outside, under a slab of concrete***


	3. Let's play a game

**Chapter three! And, like the others, it's short! Sorry bout that. :) **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. I know, I'd like to cry because of that too. **

**Chapter three: Let's play a game. It's called Guess Hermione's Plan. **

Hermione was laughing. Out loud. For the first time in weeks! But she just couldn't help it! It was an evil laugh. Down to the last 'ha.' She'd come up with a brilliant plan. Without Crookshanks or Elie's help!

Slughorn's Christmas party was in two days. She had been planning on going. She'd heard Draco was invited too. Excellent. He was bringing Pansy. This would work out perfectly.

Although... she'd have to pretend her behavior was the same as before. Pretend Crookshanks only meowed. She'd have to sleep a little too. Unfortunately, she'd also have to acknowledge Ronald's existence. Act like nothing had happened. Ask Rosy over there to the party. And make him think that looking at him didn't make her want to gag. Or tie someone up and push them off the Astronomy tower.

"Hello Ron" he looked shocked out of his tiny little mind. He and Harry exchanged a few glances.

Hmm, Hermione would have to deal with Harry. Knock him out and stuff him in the Room of Requirement. Making sure of course that he couldn't get out until she let him out. Or something. Otherwise he would ruin everything.

"Oh! H-hi, Hermione!"

"Hey, I was wondering... would you like to go to Slughorn's party with me?"

"Why?" Now he looked suspicious.

"Well, since you and Lavender are broken up, I was thinking that maybe you and I could..." Hermione trailed off, trying to look nervous and embarrassed.

Much to her delight, it worked. Ron went scarlet.

"Su-sure! I'd... I'd love to."

She walked away, sitting behind her books. Plotting part two.

"That was unexpected!"

"Ron, I'm not so sure you should go. Hermione has been different lately."

"Yeah. She seems normal enough now though."

"But.."

"Harry, maybe all she needed was for me and Lav to break up."

"Maybe," said Harry. He wasn't convinced.

Yes, she'd definitely have to do something about Harry.

_Now_, she thought, _time to talk to Draco..._

**Hailey: Hey, how was it? **

**Hermione: Review or I'll hex you!**

**Hailey: Hermione, NO!**

**Hermione:...But...HAILEY! Why notttt?**

**Hailey: No. Just No. ANYway, sorry it took a while to update. It was hard to get out from under the sidewalk. But I managed. Actually, I was at my dad's house for two weeks, and I can't post stuff from there. But I'm back now. :)**

**Hermione: Unfortunately. **

**Hailey: Hey! *stuffs Hermione in a closet* Sorry about that! She's still slightly... batty. **


	4. Waffles

**Chapter fourrrr! Yay! One more tonight, too. I know all the other chapters are shore too, but this one is very short. As in, Pygmy Puff sized. **

**Disclaimer: For the last time, J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, not me!**

**Chapter 4: Waffles**

"Draco... Draco! ...MALFOY!"

He turned around and was shocked to see Hermione, three feet behind him, smiling innocently. Huh... what in the world could _she _want?

"Sooo... you're going to Slughorn's party, right?" She asked, batting her eyelashes. What the _heck_ was going on here?

"Yes..."

"With Pansy?"

Ugh. "Yeah..." he grumbled.

"Excellent." She paused. "I need your help."

"With?"

"Ronald Weasley."

Oh. He'd heard about _that_. Lilac Brown... or whatever her name was... and the Weasel had been... well, he wouldn't call it dating... No, it was more like.. throwing themselves at each other whenever they were in the same room.

He might as well help Granger. He had nothing better to do. And he'd heard that lately she was a slice of bread short of a sandwich. Crazy. Maybe this could be fun.

"Fine. I'll do it. What's the plan?"

Draco's eyes widened as she whispered it in his ear.

"Waffles?"

"No, just one. Now go ask Pansy if she'll participate!"

As he walked off the direction he came, Hermione heard him mutter, "But where in the world will we get that much Nutella?"

Part two was complete. Four would be writing a list of needed items. Part three was a little trickier. Getting Pansy Parkinson to take part in her plot.

**Hermione: I'm freee! **

**Hailey: Of WHAT?**

**Hermione: Insanity. That obnoxiously small space I was shoved into last chapter. Sleep deprivation. Crookshanks's annoying voice. **

**Hailey: SHUT UP! THEY DON'T KNOW THAT YET!**

**Hermione: Well, yeah, but I'M in the present. **

**Hailey: And as far as the story goes, THEY'RE STILL IN THE PAST!**

**Hermione: Oh. Yeah.**


	5. Mickey Mouse!

**Chapterfive! Three chapters in one night :). I feel accomplished. Sure, they're the size of Jolly Rancher, but still! Give me some credit! I actually typed three chapters up. In ONE NIGHT! xD**

**Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. Ergo, I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 5: Mickey Mouse!**

"Pansy? Hey, great, I caught you!"

Could this actually be happening? Was Draco finally going to admit his feelings towards her? Sure, he'd asked her to the party, but that was only because he'd had no one else to go with.

"Yes?" she asked eagerly.

In truth, she didn't really like him all that much anymore. She'd moved on. Blaise Zabini. And he liked her back. They had said they were going to start going out after the party. They'd both already had dates when they realized they liked each other.

"You heard that Weasel and Flower Girl broke up, right?"

"Mhmm..." No! She hadn't! Ahh!

"Well Herm- Granger is getting revenge now. But she needs your help to do it."

"What does it entail?"

"You have to agree first. And pinky promise."

Pinky promise? But that was worse than the Unbreakable Vow!

"O-okay. I will. Pinky promise."

She gasped as Draco told her what Hermione had told him.

"She **wouldn't**! _Mickey Mouse?_ Are you _sure_?"

"Yeah. I know."

"And I always thought Hermione was... Wow!"

"You don't mind the part where you have to... you know... start snogging him? In public?"

"No. Hermione _needs_ me."

"Alright, let's send her our owl."

_Dearest Hermione,_

_All is well. I told you there was no reason to doubt. Everything will work out perfectly. There's no way anything can go wrong; luck is on our side._

_Shall we meet again tomorrow? 11:30, _our_ place. To discuss what this all means. And to decide what our next step will be._

_Love,_

_~Moi _

"Do you really think someone else will read this?"

"We have to be careful. St. Potter and the Weasel are nosy. They might read it. Or she might be forced to read it out loud. We don't want anything jeopardized because you can't stand to write in code." _Or at all_ thought Draco.

* * *

"Hermione, you've got an owl!" Ron shouted. "Who's it from? What's it say? Tell meee! Aren't we supposed to be going to the party together? And you don't trust me enough to read a letter? Sheesh!"

**Hailey: Ohman. I was all freaking out here thinking I had forgotten to do RQCs for the last two chapters. But then I remembered I had this here dialog-like-thing instead. It's all good. Crisis averted. **

**Hermione: Hailey... _I_ was the crazy one? You far more insane than I will EVER be.**

**Hailey: That's because you've already been off the deep end. Farther than anyone had ventured before. **

**Hermione: Whatever. **

**Hailey. Ooooh, THAAAT'S original. **

**Hermione: You know what? Shut up or I will make you.**

**Hailey: *gulps**eyes widen in fear***


	6. Gotta love that teenage drama?

**Excuses for not writing sooner:  
1.) Junior year is murdering me. Quite painfully. Ouch.  
****2.) I found this super cool new website that is eating up all of my free time  
3.) I'm determined to actually get a life this year. And a job. And... a life. xD**

**I know, awful excuses. But hey, I'm sorry. =D**

**Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling probably would update more often than I do. Also, she's probably not still a junior in HS. Just saying. **

**Chapter 6: Gotta love that teenage drama?**

"You're cheating on me? Already?"

"No. Nothing has happened yet. And it's not like we're going out or anything. Besides, maybe it's encrypted and I need to break it and figure out what it means?"

"Right. Like anyone would use _that_ as a code."

"You're impossible!" Hermione shouted. She was trying her best to act completely outraged.

In reality, Hermione was ecstatic. Things could not be going better. Ronald was jumping to conclusions and Draco had written the most perfect letter. No one would figure it out in years, let alone 12 hours. When they were meeting.

"I'm impossible? _I'M_ impossible! _You're _the one cheating!" Ron thundered back.

Perfect, they were gathering a crowd. Lavender and Parvati were snickering in the corner. Wonderful!

"Me? Cheating? What _reason_ do _I_ have of cheating? If anything, _you're_ the one cheating! In fact, you probably **are**! And you're covering it up by accusing me! I bet you're cheating on me with HER!" she shrieked and pointed to Lavender. "Or better yet, _HER_!" she cried, pointing at Parvati.

"I can't believe you would accuse me of something so horrid!" she said quietly while bursting into tears. Hermione ran out of the portrait hole, sobbing, trying with all her might not to giggle with glee.

Ron said nothing; he was too shocked to say a word. No one on the room moved. After a few seconds, he chased after her.

"I believe you! I'm sorry! And I wouldn't cheat on you. Promise! Can... can I still go with you to the party?"

"Y-yeah. I s-sup-suppose so." she sniffled.

He hugged her. Ack! Why would the wretched thing not leave her alone already?

"Okay... I should go... check on Harry... or something."

"Oh. Great. Kay. See you... tomorrow."

Yes! Perfectly magnificent! Now to go to bed. And get some sleep. Just a little though. Four... five hours. At the most. Maybe three. Yes, three. Three was a good, well-rounded number.

**Hailey: Okay. Chapter six is completed! **

**Hermione: *coughs and sputters back to life* Finally! Sheesh! I thought I'd have to like...find your address and force you to continue writing this story!**

**Hailey: I know, I know. Shush! Return to your scheming, will you? Thanks!**

**Hermione: *grumblegrumblesigh* **

**Hailey: Triumph! **** Anyway. My friend and I created a Harry Potter forum-guy. It doesn't have very many challenges...but if you're looking for one to do/a place to add your own, you should check it out. Challenges Through the Ages. ****That's it I guess... I'll be back soon! PM/review with any questions?**

**Hermione: Actually, you should just review in general. That would be fantabulous. Thanks. **


	7. Pansy? Nice?

***Cowers behind giant 289 foot statue* Okay, so, it's not my fault. Kinda. My work was closing and I was super stressed. Then I had to get my grades up since they were slipping a wee bit. That's all fixed now tho. And now, I'm in the Spring Musical. So I prolly won't be able to update my stories much. This week is spring break tho, so I plan on at least three more chapters of this story. Which, I'm sorry to say, might be very close to the end. If it doesn't make it there by the third. **

**Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure J. K. R. could have worked, kept her grades up, and updated at the same time. Not only do one at a time *looks ashamed***

**Chapter 7: Pansy? Nice? Are we talking about the same person?**

Ten hours later, Hermione decided it was time to stop pretending to be asleep. Yes, she _had _actually slept last night. Three hours and twenty six minutes. And she felt lovely. Crookshanks was meowing (meowing!). Well, for now anyway. It was about time, too. He was starting to get rather annoying. And VERY bossy. He actually had the nerve to tell _her_ what to do. As if **he** was in charge. He may be a mad genius, but he was still just a cat.

"Don't you have somewhere to _go_?" Hermione looked down.

"Oh great, it's _you_. I thought you'd lost your voice. Guess it was just wishful thinking."

"Why you little... No, I have NOT lost my voice, you giant pile of... spider legs!"

"Y- … Crookshanks, how _could_ you? I never thought you could be so mean!"

* * *

They met in the Room of Requirement. That's where the majority of the plan would take place, so they had sort of adopted it as their own.

"So, you're SURE it'll go exactly as you say?"

"Well, I can't be positive, I'm not psychic. But it helps that Slughorn's party is on this floor. Ron will know that this is here. Hopefully he'll head straight here, knowing this door will be open. The others in this hallway might not be. What he WON'T know is that you, Draco, will already be in the room, waiting for him."

"Why can't Pansy stay there instead?"

"Because I like her more than you. And she already has a job. Does everyone know what they have to do tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course. You know you actually have to sleep tonight, right? As in, for at least nine hours."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..."

Hermione was glad she'd asked Pansy to help. Or... asked Draco to ask Pansy to help. She was actually really quite nice. She only acted like she did because it was expected of her since she was in Slytherin.

**Hailey: Chapter 7 took a while but it's here at last. And Hermione, if you make one comment about that, I will change your name on More Than a Myth Chat Room to something completely ridiculous.**

**Hermione: ...fine.**

**Hailey: Really? Wow. I didn't think that would work. **

**Hermione: It won't. I was saying Fine, change it, my name is dumb on that anyway.**

**Hailey: Gee, thanks.**

**Hermione: No problem, anytime. Now, for my long awaited comment. Get it? Long awaited because it's been months. *clears voice because it's been such a long time since it's been used***

**Hailey: Okay, you took too long, I'm leaving.**

**Hermione: What? Oh, sorry, I was just trying to take as long to answer as you do to write. Well, if you're leaving, see you again in six months! *laughs*******

**Hailey: *glares* Oh, shush, will ya?**


	8. Crazy contributes to the best ideas

**See? Told ya I'd be back soon. Not sure if I'll post any more today, but I'll have at least two more up by the end of the week. Anyway, my head kinda hurts right now, so I won't write much here. **

**Disclaimer: It'd be pretty cool if I was a published author. But I'm not that good. So obviously I'm not J. K. Rowling.**

**Chapter 8: Crazy always contributes to the best ideas. **

It was the morning of the party. So far it was the only thing people were talking about. She could tell that already, even without having left the dorm. The noise from the common room was getting quieter as people left, but it was still there.

Hermione stretched. She hadn't felt this good in months. Smiling, she glanced over at the penguin clock by her bed. Penguins had always been her favorite animal.

"AHHHHH!" She'd overslept. A lot. She'd gone to bed early the night before so she could wake up early enough to set things up. She'd gone to bed at 8:00, hoping to get nine hours of sleep (she knew she'd need it. Plus, frankly, she was a wee bit tired of Crookshanks' voice, but don't tell him that) and be up by 5. It was now 12 o'clock. She'd gotten 16 hours of sleep. Sixteen!

Wait, why was that a bad thing again? A month and a half ago, she would have been overjoyed to be able to sleep for 16 hours.

Hermione groaned as she remembered what had happened in the last week. Ron and Lavender had broken up. She, Pansy, and Draco had- wait, _**what?**_ No way would she ever join forces with those two!

She thought about the plan. And smiled. Sure, she'd been crazy, insane even, but it _was_ a good plan. Don't people usually come up with the best ideas when they're crazy? And you can't just let a good plan go to waste. Plus, crazy or not, Ron had been a giant jerkface and deserved some form of revenge. And, once she thought about it, Draco and Pansy had been pretty nice to her. Nicer than her friends had at any rate. They didn't HAVE to help her.

Hermione got dressed and slipped downstairs into the common room. She'd already missed breakfast, but by now it was time for lunch. The common was empty except for Harry Potter.

"Oh, hey Harry!"

He looked up, startled.

"Hermione? You look...different. Better." The dark circles had disappeared from under her eyes and overall, she just looked more normal.

"Thanks, I think. I feel better. It was weird for a while there, huh?"

"Yeah, definitely. Glad you noticed." he said, laughing.

"Hungry? I'm starving. I haven't eaten since last night."

"Yeah. I was just about to go down there myself, actually."

They left the common room, only hurrying a little. Turns out, Harry had missed breakfast too.

"Oh, Hermione? I'm glad you feel better. I missed you."

**Hailey: So there. I _can_ post more than once in four months. **

**Hermione: Wow, congratulations! I'm so proud of you!**

**Hailey: Grrrr. **

**Hermione: Oh! So, you know what you should do? Yes, I'm talking to you now, not Hailey. You should review. Thanks! Knew I could count on you.**

**Hailey: ...Right. Anyway, if you couldn't tell, Hermione is no longer crazy, no longer sleep deprived and bonkers. But she decided to go through with the plan regardless of that fact. Partly because she wants to see what'll happen and partly because she's still angry at Ron and this still seems like the best way to get back at him. **

**Hermione: Yeap, that about sums it up. Well, I think I'm going to go take a nap now.**

**Hailey: Sheesh, you get one full night of sleep and now you're all 'yay, sleep is good, I like naps.' Tho, a nap DOES sound nice...**


End file.
